A Typical BoNdI's Morning

Everybody has bad days, no doubt. The wonderful thing is, everyone is privileged enough to have some kind of warning of the coming calamities. This premonition, lasting a second to a full lenght episode of a suspence-drama, could also be part of the events contributing to a hellish day. Mine, basically does not differ from the world wide definiton of a bad day and it happens almost everyday!

My premonition however begins the every first second I open my eye-lids. To give you an idea of what it's usually like...

I open my eyes, partially that is, to welcome the blinding light of my room (it's a 'mood light', and yet, it's blinding to me) left on due to an unplanned early sleep when all I intended was a 15 minutes nap before I start turning the leaves of a textbook. I try my best to pry my eyes open without the application of continual vigorous rubs with my fingers. Of course, application of which would result on more pain. I had the unfortunate experience once where I almost pushed my eye-balls in so much I winced in pain and felt awkward for the rest 30 minutes. The only way to force my eye-lids to its greatest extension capacity was to go straight to the tap of cruelly cold-mountainous water and rub in on my eyes. Having succeeded to view my surrounding in a murky, dizzy and hazy way, I would go scrambling for my watch, to see what on earth the time is . Since I took an illegal spell of unconsiousness ( aka sleep) I would usually wake up with a jolt, knowing I should be at the desk instead of being hugged by my comfortable, squishy pillows. As it often is, the time would show an impossible 2.30-3.30 a.m, which leaves no other options but to simply crawl to bed to savour the rest of the dark hours of the day...

On the days where I didn't commit the crime of partaking on an illegal bout of unconsiouness, apart from unruly eye-lids, there would be this aching spine, complaining ceaselessly on how I wronged it by twisting my shape in an odd formation to get to La-La Land. Since its my habit to sleep face-down, The Lower Back always argues with The Higher Back on how I choose to discriminate all the time. Other parts of my body is not left out in the mutiny headed by The Lower Back. Furthermore, my preference in sleeping positions would result in one side of my cheek, usually the left, squashed so badly. An inspection on the mirror would unleash a whole valley of volcanoes and angry lurid lava with chasms as wide as the pillow cases can imprint.

The Mouth....I musn't omit this guy out of the mutinous gang of ruffians.... Bad peanuts taste would prevail on my tongue although I never had peanuts the night before. And the gums, my gosh....such pain.... Since The Gum has to wear Ms. Retainers ( a legacy from Mr. Braces ), I would be embraced with a stinging, contricting pain.

Sleep, even this activity that fuels the body seems to be playing two parts when it comes to me. I often wake up with nothing but a sense of lethargy. Rarely have I woken up to feel as fresh as a baby. ...

Now tell me, why is it that 3 out of 5 college days do people tell me I look tired?

Visiting Ulm

Greetings Fellow Earthlings,

It is to my delight that today I would be able to serve you with my vast knowledge on the geography of planet Earth better. Unfortunately, I am the member of the club " We Have Never Displaced Ourselves",thus rendering myself useless to you previously, as I can only provide, my humble comrades, blind and boring theoretical facts on the many faces and places on Earth without providing any visual information on them.

It is to my greatest excitement then to convey this good news to all of you. My brother, who is a member of "We Who Have Succeeded in Displacing Ourselves" visited the town of Ulm, Germany. More popular known as the birth place of the genius with wiry hair (who also was a slow learner as a toodler), Herr Albert Einstein, it is also home to a huge cathedral " The Münster ". His lucky stars were shining even brigther that day (this could be an indication that his lucky, fruitful star will be dying out soon,become a cold, remorseless one, after a blindingly dashing supernova), as there was an on-going exhibition on The Theory Of Relativity.

My advice to you when navigating this show of visual data is to choose the 'slide show' instead of manually clicking each photograph one at a time. Saves you time and your very precious glycogen reserves.

ENJOY!
Visiting Ulm
p.s- my brother happens to be the one wearing a maroon sweater and washed-out blue jeans..

The Case of 28 or 82

At 2015, Malaysian time on Tuesday, the silly ring tone of my handphone persistantly demanded my attention. I had to put on hold a bunch of sentences for my biology lab report just to grab that idiotic piece of equipment which was on my dressing table. Dragging my sticky body after my jog around the nearby park, I reluctantly pressed the button with a green coloured receiver on it. Just before I did, I recieved an impulse from my brain..

Brain : You are avoiding the number that ends with 28..

When I took a peek at the blue screen of my bloody NOKIA I saw 82 at the end of the number.

Brain : You scape-grace of a fool BoNdI, was it 28 or 82 you were avoiding?..

Unable to decide, with the failure of my brain memory system, I reluctantly pressed a button with an emblem of green receiver tarnishing its silvery hue.

Unknown : Hello?..................Hello?
Brain : Think, think, THINK! Is that the voice you are avoiding?
Me : I don't know, it's kind of deep, that voice I heard...... wasn't deep. It had the pitch of a
woman's...
Brain : Don't say anything. Just be silent.
Me : WHAT! Leave the voice to entertain itself....okay....I really can't decide..

I then pressed the complimentary button with a red reciever emblem.

Almost immediately, the phone rang again..

Me : I'm going to pick this up. And if it's that the salesman that sent me a very weird message,
I shall just say wrong number...
Brain : WAIT you mutt!

Unknown : Hello
Me : Hello?
Unknown : Is this BoNdi?
Me : Yes...
Unknown : I'm your doctor.
Brain : MAYDAY-MAYDAY! ALERT! ABORT PHONE CALL! ABORT!
Me : Huh? Huh? euh...euh....I think you got the wrong number....
Brain : ABORT! You want to talk to a maniac selling, god knows what? ABORT!
Unknown : No, this is BoNdI, right?
Me : Yes, (oh gosh, what am I DOING?)
Unknown : I'm your family doc. I'm returning your call on the rabies you contracted?
Brain : See. SEE! GO ON TALKING SOMEMORE! SEE WHAT YOU DID. THAT DUMB
MANIAC IS SAYING YOU HAVE RABIES NOW. AND GUESS WHAT, YOU JUST
WROTE AN INCRIMINATING ARTICLE ABOUT A DOG! HE'S STALKING YOU!
Me : HUH?
Unknown : Remember a dog bit you..
Brain : BoNdI, BoNdI! It's YingKs! YingKs!
Me : YingKs! YINkS! What the hell, you scared me like shit! CRAP YOU! OH MAN!!
YingKs! : hahahahahahhah

Emotionally tested, I was really tired after conversing with YingKs!. He gave me a pointer when avoiding someone. Instead of relying on your brain,

Brain : Hey, what the heck! I'm the one that helped you ace....

save the number and name it as DANGER. Don't delete it and apply some memorize the last two digits technique.

Lowly Situations 2...

Welcome to the 2nd edition of the supposedly sad account of my examination experience. Today, however, I'm going to turn the tables and burst the dam that holds all the water simply because I'm HAPPY! I woke up refreshed at 5 a.m in the morning. Yes, I wanted to snuggle in bed again but I had promised myself to get over Robert Ludlums' 'The Bourne Identity'. Upon completion, I'm convinced Ludlum is a maniac. No,no,no, I did enjoy the book, but it was so intrinsic. Back to my point, I'm currently munching on my second breakfast, my first was 3 hours ago and am damaging my ears with 'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go' by WHAM. How can I not be filled with felicity?

By the way....

Fourth Day :

Biology was written on the schedule that I looked at forlornly after my Chemistry test. I read all my notes approximately 2 weeks ago. By now, nothing was on the surface of my head, where I need it to be to facilitate fishing facts out during the test. I had about 5 hours more of Tuesday for revising before the birth of Wednesday. After studying for 2 hours, I proposed a 15 minutes nap, which of course lasted for 5 hours. I woke up at 5 a.m on Wedenesday, with 1 more hour before I must hit the showers and I had 4 more chapters to look at. SCREWED! Short and sweet, but true,SCREWED!

When I got to college, I was more interested in Maroon Five's 'She Will Be Loved' than the process of Mitosis and DNA replication. Logically, watching a man practise himself on 2 girls was far more exciting then Transport in Plants. In the back of my head, The Cardiac Cycle was bidding with the others for attention. I therefore had dug a grave deeper than 6 feet....

5 minutes prior to the start, my Biology lecturer walked out of the staff room cradling the precious papers lovingly. She looked at me, smiled, and said terrifying words.

"I still remember what you told me BoNdI....so I prepared a special paper for you..."

OH SHIT.....

"I got the Room 401 and sat down, making sure the aura was right. That was all I could rely on at that moment. It was then my lecturer had to interpose.

"BoNdI, you must sit here", pointing to a table in directly in front of mine.
"No, I refuse to move", already at the brink of tears.
"But, this paper here is specially for you".
"I don't want it, Ms.*a*a..."

With feline precision, she toke the paper on that empty table and switched it with mine.

"NOOOOO, Ms. *a*a, your are disturbing the aura. I'm dead, I'm dead and buried..."

The whole class erupted in laughter.

"BoNdI, you're going to be a doctor. Don't be silly. Well, it's your foult. What did you tell me the other day? You would put me in your very VERY long waiting list for treatment, right?"

After 2 hours, it was done. DONE! It wasn't so bad. Thank god! With the absence of our dear biological pump, I think I managed to kick the sand of my feet....


Fourth Day :

Schedule : Thinking Skills

Plan of Kill : Do some questions from specimen questions. And read some story book to kill the time.

Outcome : 1 of the question in the paper came from the specimen questions. The rest was about pre-heating the oven to roast a chicken.


Fifth Day :

Read 200 pages of Ludlums' 'The Bourne Identity', wrote 'Of Rabies and Wagging Tails' and anticipated the holidays...

Well, still am happy, listening to 'Dancing in September' by Earth Wind and Fire. Currently, 'Sweet Home Alabama' is blaring with my brother doing the guitar mimic of Lynerd Skynerd.

The First Memories...

Much to YingKs! disappointment, I have decided to for-go my initial plan of continuing my ramblings with 'Lowly Situations 2', but instead write on my earliest memories....

Have you earhtlings out there wondered why we can only remember things that don't strecth far back from the day we were born but instead only start at maybe 3 to 4 years of age. Surely, a memory as horrenduous as coming out from dear mommy's womb is not something very attractive. However, why is it that our brains are rewired intentially?

I was reduced to conversing with myself the other day, thanks to boredom, my very,very close companion.I started thinking about what I could remember from my days as a very little child. Somehow, I could only make out three, vaguely that is. I simply concluded these golden three were my earliest because I couldn't precisely make out my age from them and because they were as brief as a bolt of lightning. I have chosen to speak of only one though.

I woke up on a misty morning still shy of the sun. The windows were still dark in my grandmother's house and I was blinking repeatedly to get the blotchy feeling out of my eyes. I rubbed my them rather vigorously and heard the birds early morning chatter on the world news. My grandmother's powder room had the lights on, a clear indication that she was up and about. I reluctantly flipped my blanket and was welcomed by the cold breeze of the fan. Standing up, I dizzily walked to the kitchen knowing without a thought that she would be there.

I saw her, standing near the sink. She was peeling something or another and I went closer with the intention to help. Odd = somehow as a child we accept our roles outlined by the respective gender more readily than when we are adults. She handed me the white miniature pumpkin with a severe case of dry skin but refused to give me the small knife. She then briefly disappeared.

I heard the screeching of a chair being lifted up far off and then put down again very close to me. With one mighthy movement, I was carried and I soon found myself on a raised platform. Previously, without the chair, I could only reach the sink if I was standing on my toes.

Within a few minutes, I was dismissed. My little fingers couldn't compensate for the speed she wanted to work with..

That's all...unfortunately. I wish I could remember more on the time when I was a little child under the watchful eye of my grandmother. Those days when life was so simple should have lasted longer and cherished.

Having accounted mine, what's yours?

Lowly Situations...

Well, throughout the history of my dearest blog, I have so far restrained myslef from any mention of deeply personal matters. Today, I am about to break that long held traditon, I'm going to spill it out, everything...

I am fresh out of my first examination in college. I don't know why but the whole idea of being in college is all..well...bed and roses...birds and the bees. Only four months and we had to sit for the term test. So I guess reality ain't in synchrony with our presumptions.

The exams only lasted a week and I can tell you, it was a LONG week. I was basically prepared, I believe even the librarian(who actually memorised my student identification number) can attest to this fact. (I had made the library my second home).Nevertheless, life is filled with many suprises and pot holes full of shit that will claim your perfumed feet once in a while.

The First Day:

The schedule included two papers, both of which required the left side of the brain to work with. Pure Mathematics and one of its progeny, Mechanics. I remember sitting down getting myself comfortable and slowly assimilatiing myself with the atmoshpere of the dark Auditorium. I said my prayers, cluthing my holy chain thightly, hoping with the damnest that I will remember solving methods and use the right one to unravel the questions. When the invigilators said "Begin", I took a deep breath, and the battle of Students against all that Evil represents begun...........

The Second Day :

It was to be the most horrible day of all, if only I took my feelings as a forewarning seriously. The schedule was like....SHIT. Forgive my outburst, but I am not lying. I had Physics, followed by Chemistry. And the gap between the two? 15 minutes. I was in a quagmire, of faeces, germs and everything else. I can safely say the worst paper I had was none other than Physics. How do i explain this and claim your sympathy? Relatively easy! The paper was to be done over with by one hour. And the questions, it required two hours. Please refer to Sighting : Episode 2 : Teachers from Hell.
Whatever would be, would be, right Sarah? I walked down the stairs, literally stoned. I vented my anger on two unfortunate souls, and got ready for my Chemistry.

Chemistry, oh dearest, my illicit affair with this branch of science(only a privilaged few knows...). The paper, it was a JOKE! I am not saying it was easy-peasy. I'm saying it was a plain joke. Never in my short life have I sat for such a paper. The question began with a characther, Ah Long, who had a compony, called 'Chem R' Us'. The whole paper gave us an account of his life. It was enjoyable, and you know that you are suppose to laugh, but how do you do it in an examination hall? Not only did the lecturer put us in conflict with our human emotions, he made it a struggle for us as there was no way we could skip a question and 'go-astern', we had to attempt the question as they appeared, simply because it was a story, without using any creative afforts like flaskback. If your curiosity tickles you, the paper ended with the marriage of Ah Long and his long-time girlfriend and they produced some Ah Boon and Ah someother...

I have decided to keep the third and the fourth day for tomorrows' edition..

p.s - it is just too painful...

Of Rabies and Wagging Tails

Most of us would have the unfortunate but rather necessary experience of a ferocious cur wanting, waiting and anticipating a move from you as an excuse to pounce. These impertinent mutts with unwarranted fury always seem to be on their heels, flushing their anger at the wrong direction. Which ever way you see it, they suffer nothing in turn of their despicable character, unless you count all those irritance emancipating out of the pores of their previous victims.

Well, to those who haven't meet a dog with ultra-sensitive smell reseptors on their smooth, black nostrils, you might be suprised that you can actually find them anywhere. Not only do they guard houses owned by sufferers of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder, in terms of security in this case), but, thanks to this era of globalization, they can be found even in office premises....

That brings me to the discussion of the day...

Has anyone been to the Centre of Pre-University Studies staff office without getting clearance from the dedicated 'watchman' (in this case, our security guard in question has to be promoted)?
Then again, the bigger question is why do students need clearance to meet mentors, their only guide in the seemingly never ending bower of dreary theoretical facts. However unrelevent all these facts are in the real world, students need all these facts to get pass this hurdle. This hurdle of course starts with a mere height of a millimeter to the height where only the escape speed can take you....(the minimum speed required by a space craft to escape the earths' gravitational field)

Back to my point, since this 'watchman' is after all human, it is not exempted from partiality. Well...let me put it this way, if you throw a big, fat, juicy bone to a dog, it would most certainly lick you, but if you were to step on its tail, you'll be visiting your local doctor for your rabies vaccine injections........

Thus, students tend to give various accounts of the accountability of the security system in this little secluded office.

"Who? Oh 'watchman'? Well I'm mostly lucky. It's always busy when I walk in. Like the other day it was having a bone wedged between its paws and its ears, muttering non-stop in a highly serious manner. So I simply mouthed the name of my lecturer to it and with the wagging of its tail, allowed me enterence to it's lair..."

"Gosh, don't remind me. Why is it so difficult to let us in? We can't be giving away bones all the time. All I needed to do was to put the book on my lecturers' table. But it went on barking, denying me entrance...."

"Apply Newton's Third Law lah my friend. To every action there is a reaction. I just walk in equiped with a bag of fresh chicken bones for its inspection. I mean, you need to apply the psychology of the 'opposite-sex' to get your way sometimes.......in your case, it can't be applied..."

"It let you in without having a bite of your flesh? That's not fair at all! **ry, **ry, what a contrary!"

"Of course it won't let you in, you didn't pay your fees for the next semester right. Your friend did, that's why it was sniffing her instead of you..."

Examples shown, it would be pointless to go on. Remember, if you venture to the staff room in the fourth floor, you have been forwarned!

Sigthings : Episode 2

WARNING : THE FOLLOWING EVENTS ARE TRUE.

Sigthings 3 : Teachers from Hell.

Incognitos spotted a commotion outside the Auditorium. Situated at the 1 st floor, it was a place where functions were held. As it was a multi-purpose building, it was currently in use for examinations. Upon further enquiries, it turned out that the students enrolled in the Centre for Pre-University Studies were having their term and also trials for the upcoming Cambridge A-Levels examination. Consequently, or maybe not, high levels of abnormality was recorded in our electromagnetic wave device. We then went closer, for a through examination of the events ongoing while the students sweated out in the dark, unfriendly atmosphere...

"That teacher was born and raised in hell!!
"Precisely, how are we suppose to complete a paper with 2 hours worth of question within an hour?"
....."I couldn't finish that #$*%ing paper!"
"She purposely did it....remember what she said..."I would give you 2 long questions where you have to balance accounts with no objective questions...how's that? It would be easy! "
"Those accounts couldn't be balanced....I'm going to fail it...."
"Oh screw it man!"

Not far away, we heard another group of students..

"Sir, there's no time. How can you do this sir?!
"Was it hard?"
"No, in can be done, but, there was NO TIME!"
"Sir,....our grades, 100% from this paper?"
"Yah..."
"NO, sir....NO!"
And with a sly smile, he said,
"Just take this as an experience, go back home and try it out again...we will see how...this paper...." and left, with the doors swinging back.
"How could he do this, I DIDN'T complete so many questions!"


In another case,

"I'm so tense, how the hell am I suppose to hold this up? I missed an exam because of some time table mix-up. Ms(--) told me that this paper would be now, but when I went there, the place was empty",
"Oh, another classic case of teachers from hell..."
"NO...SHE WAS BORN AND RAISED IN HELL!"
"You should calm down, you got another test in 10 minutes..."
"Gosh! I'm so dead man, so DEAD!"

Point : It is rather interesting how much of pain those 'creatures from hell' can incure to these students. If they were truly from hell, wounldn't they carry and emblem of some kind,
like two horns, projecting upwards like the rather over-americanized devil - Hell Boy? Incognitos had many reasons to believe that these 'creatures' had been suited with many
disguises....then again....maybe not...

Sighting 4 : Zombies.

Many complained of being dead and only present in a vaguest way possible. Incognitos found this an interesting fact. In many conversations that we overheard, many references were made about death and the cycle of life, in rather interesting ways. For example :

1) I booked the incinerator last week and decided to keep my date with it after physics paper.
2) What are you guys talking about?..huh..amoebic movement...multinucleic? I'm in the
twilight zone right now....
3) Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder how close you are...
4) I am so dead,I'm twelve feet underneath..
5) I would be lucky if I could see the day light
6) -I am dead
-If you're dead, I'm already eaten and digested by animals
-And through amonification, I'm already a nitrate
-You can't beat this! I'm denitrified and already in the air as N2 (nitrogen gas)

Point : The students still managed humour although they claimed to be dead. Are zombies capable of human emotions while facing physical erosion?

Sightings

WARNING : THE FOLLOWING EVENTS ARE TRUE. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISABLE.

The Sightings visited KDU, a college in Damansara Jaya, after receiving information that KDU has been recording unusually high frequencies of paranormal occurances in its campus. The crew members went incognito as to avoid giving indication that the campus was on close watch. Some of those activities, deemed appropriate for public veiwing, are as follows...

Sigthings 1: THE GRAB

At about 3.30 p.m on a Wednesday evening,(dates will not be mentioned to protect anonymity of subjects), the cafeteria of the campus was dimly lit. The sky was dark, forewarning students and crew members alike of an approaching storm. Students dotted the cafeteria, randomly that is, in small nucleus like groups. Then, a group of students, dressed in aprons, complete with the hair cap and little knives slid up their arm pockets, came and sat on a table very close to counter while some of them chose to stand and munch on their grub. While they were enjoying their meal, one of them, stood up from the chair, and in a swift motion, grabbed the buttocks of his friend! With quick reflects, the guy subjected to such an act quickly turned his body to avoid further contact. He also gave a nervous glance to the Incognitos (since they were only a metre away) to see if such an act was seen. Unknowingly to him, this incident went as far as to be published...

Sightings 2 : THE PLOT TO LOCK

At the dark ground floor of the campus, there are clumps of rooms, strategically placed as to form a nearly perfect hexagon. There are six rooms, and all of them functioning as science laboratories. Incognito crew members turned their attention to one of these labs. On that Tuesday evening, the students in the class were in a jovial mood. Just that moment, they decided to play a trick on their Biology lecturer. Upon further investigation, Incognitos found out that that lecturer was the last one you would play a trick on. Surely, some mythical powers were working on these students. Sly yet very much aware of the consequences, they locked the doors to the lab. Meanwhile, awaiting impending disaster, they continued their noisy chatter. Soon, the 'click,click,click' of the door knob refusing to allow the entrance of a person was heard. Everyone hushed. Outside, cars were passing by casually, the trees were swaying lazyly and the sun was slowly dimming. Apparently, only this shiny, everlasting orb was aware of what was going to occur. A student then briskly ran,unlocked the door, and sat, all in under 2 seconds. The lecturer rushed in, and asked without much ado.

"Which one of you locked the door..?"

Her facial expression was enough to let the cat out of the bag. The students knew that she was a trapped dam about to burst.

".....(the name)....".

Thankfully, oh, thankfully, she turned her attention to something else...much less devastating...

*****

With that, Sightings would return with more paranormal activities in our next edition...

Remember..."the truth is out there, and the Sigthtings will know...each and every time..."

Of Hooke's Law and a Certain Body Part.

I remember this joke every vividly, as if it was brand new.

Fifth Form was quite hellish for me and some of my friends who wanted a guarenteed results of nothing but a unsploit string of gleaming A's. This might seem like an easy enough wish. Just add a table spoon of hard work, a pint of sweat, a drop of blood, a kilogram of sacrifice, a pinch of heart break with many failures in not obtaining A's in trial exams, and well....bits and pieces here and there that comes along the way.

Certainly, the sum of it all (being scalar quantities) proved to be quite an overwhelming amount. The price? Our SANITY!

And prove ?

After physics, we returned to our class room and started chatting.

"Hey, what's Hooke's law again?"
"The force applied is proportional to the extension of an elastic body until the elastic limit is reached,"
"Wei, don't give such ambiguous descriptions to me! What's the elastic limit thing?"
"The maximum stress that can be applied on a elastic body after which it will not return to it's original size once the strees is removed....."
"HEY, it's easier to remember it this way!"
"And, what's your master plan?"
"Hooke's Law, it's applicable to virtually any body, where the extension is proportional to the force right?"
"Yes, where are you getting at? I recognise that smile Elaine"
"Apply it to the penis"...

Needless to say, our minds went into a brief moment where we tried to stimulate the actual case in which this law could be applicable, and it left us in a high and delirious mood for the rest of the day. I even snorted during Additional Maths ( a subject in which the look in the teachers face would tell you, any form of noise was not acceptable ).

Carrying on the tradition of my class, I'm passing this around.

P.S - Just learnt about Deformation of Solids today....don't try this at home!