Bashing Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday To You,
You Were Born In The Zoo,
With the Monkeys and Donkies,
Happy Birth Day To YOU - BoNdI !!!


- Confetti and trumpets -

YiPPie !!!!! I'm A ONE YEAR OLD!!!

Red Painted Horns

To the cunt carrying gender of our species (yes, I too am horrified at the gradual degradation of my language), the following is a rather familiar scenario:

While strolling in pasar malam/ jogging in the street/ window shopping, a bunch of hooligans - of course consisting of the gender with the cock - starts spewing out several high pitched whistles. Ah! All those wasted adulation. Most sane females will ignore those misdirected squeals.

Have I mentioned, I would actually turn around. But no, no, no, no - I won't say fuck off, I would smile. GASP!!!! Hey, hit the brakes - the above was just a metaphor. (On normal situations, I would just walk away - thank god.)

Have to admit though that that was a good parable. Hear me out, please.

The exam department in KDU, well, there's an employee there, with the misguided Rambo haircut. From the beginning of time, I automatically sorted him into this pigeonhole with the tag - MEGAhorny - STAY AWAY PRIYA!

Maybe I spend too much time in college, before long, he got my name, my student number (hey!!!! Is anything ever confidential ANYMORE??!!), and sure as hell he has access to my mobile number.

As it turns out, I saw him in college recently (where else right?) and since he works in the exam department, started quizzing him about when the A-Levels results would be out. Yeah, he gave me the usual bullshit:

"Waitlar, waitlar, we will call you people…."'
"Yar….when is that?"
"15th maybe",
"Heard this year coming out on the 8th..",
"Ah….don't know….you know lar",

Desperate situation requires desperate measurers. Gave him some sob story, which is actually true. The age old story about having tons of things to apply for just to fill an empty pocket. And how much it depended on how fast I can get my results. He bought it - HurRAH!!!!

"Please call me when it comes out - immediately…can ar?"
"Yah yah, no problem",
"My number then..?"
"I got. Just see your student number…"
-Shocked- "Er, I think the info not correct anymore…you just take my number ok?"

SO, there, gave him something I should have withheld. I had a reason to. Before I left, he did manage to chime in.

"Eh, where's that thin, tall, fair, girl that always hangs around with you?"

Gosh! Like I need to be reminded that Dena is the prettiest girl in KDU!!! Told him we were on holiday and zipped my mouth after that. Real gross though - ugh. And to think that he was showing Judy, the librarian a picture of his 'girlfriend'. I saw the picture too, just to pretend that I cared. She turns out to be none other than Miss KDU 2004.


God, how many does he need?


Current music : Craig David's All the way.

Know Thyself - Desperate Housewives' Style

Oh, absolutely adore Tuesdays! It's such a ticklish galore - Ladies Night!! Thank god for the double dose of it - first on 8TV (an episode ahead) followed closely by Astro. Nope, not married yet, no ring on my finger, but that's okay, I LOVE Desperate Housewives.

No, no, no. I don't think it's premature for me to say so, considering I have only seen 3 episodes of the first season. There's nothing quite like it. And oh how joyful to add this to its credentials - my mom is actually excited about my preference too! For the first time in my entire life - only 18++ years to boost - she admits to like a show I enjoy. So far, she has been trying to be discreet, smiling instead of roaring in laughter like I do at the quirky antics of the adventurous foursome - but she can't hide it from me!

Somewhere during the 3rd episode, I suddenly thought to myself - Which desperate housewife would I be? Can't be too hard right? There's only the four of them plus the Bi*ch - Edie. (ooops, pardon the language)

Let's cross them out first, always the easier thing to do.

All in all, I cannot ever, in a million years, imagine myself to be Bree Van de Kamp. Too immaculate, scrupulous, perfect. 15/20 years from now, I would probably have 2 pimply teenage kids, a rat house and yes, my hubby would have walked out the door without the courtesy of trying marriage counseling prior to the act. I'm just no Stepford wife, that's all. Maybe, maybe, a little bit of Bree that is bossy, I'll-do-it-for-you-since- you-are-totally-useless, I can safely say is inherent in me. So far in the season, this same attitude is the chief reason why Rex walked out on Bree after the failed dinner party. Sad.

Gabrielle. Crossing out Bree wasn't absolute, but Gabrielle, goodness. I am so far from the model looks that I know for certain I wouldn't be a former model with everything a possessive husband can give. By Carlos' standards, that's everything. I just don't see an apparition of myself in a crystal ball where I would be *ucking a 17-year-old. And by no means would one be smitten by me so much so I would be receiving a 'perfect' rose. That's priceless to the petite, by far the prettiest of all the housewife's.

The brood that Lynette has - I just know - call it woman's intuition - that I would be in the same, very desperate situation. With kids who just scream, leave the house in a mess and turn my life on Earth a chaotic hell. I can even taste it. Wouldn't you agree if I say she looks the worst - haggard I mean. That's me -NOW, I don't have to wait till I have kids!!! But she has the sweetest husband though. He tries (to make their marriage a happy one) by wearing a sombrero and dancing in the dining room with his kids as the audience. Despite his willingness to simply 'risk' it because he can't wait till he locates a condom - JERK! - he doesn't seem so bad after all. When everything is done I guess all a woman want is recognition and appreciation.

Susan, oh Susan. Simply the lead and the undoubted star of the show. The vulnerable thing is she…
Er, I see too much of myself in her than I care to admit. You know, the perpetually depressed, wanting something to happen complex. Even trivial things become so blown out of proportion that in the end, she gets hurt - or maybe I'm talking about myself. But, hey, I would welcome a plumber that can come to, tsk tsk, 'fix' my pipes. (Darn suggestive isn't it, precisely why I adore this show!). Mike, mike, Mike - how I swoon for you. Wiping my drool now. Wouldn't it be cool to have a cute guy chance upon you naked and to have his only assessment of you an exclaimed "Wow"?!!

Conclusion. Conclusion = I'm a lil' bit of Bree and a lot of Lynette and Susan, how about you?


Current music: Cindy Lauper's True colours.

Inarticulate

There. It's happening again. Just when I need that artistic, linguistic part of myself. It clawed itself away, so deep down, draining away life from every other corner. It's more than 12 feet underneath now.

Classics writer's block. Not without a slight twist though. I have ideas, just no words. At least, it's damn well not flowing as it should be. I blame everything. The lack of privacy, indolence (would rather not wash my face and stay in bed if decency would permit it!), and just no mood.

Should add though that this issue - lack of enthusiasm to write - happens only when I'm EXPECTED to write something. I just can't form sentences, even incoherent ones.

As when one is expected to write something, there's a bloody hell DATELINE to meet. And I just don't know why datelines and I, whenever the creative thinking cap is needed, just can't see eye to eye.

The last time this happened, I ended up completing my personal statement just 2 days before it was time to submit my university application form. I tell you, it took me a day - totally unjustified since I was VERY happy with it when my peers took months and had done away with at least a dozen drafts.

When I woke up this morning, I promised myself to sit, staring at a blank computer screen and start forming sentences. I procrastinated, so, day turned into night, then I switched the TV on and Under The Tuscan Sun was about to be aired in 10 minutes. Oh, bless my luck, or, should I?

Should I put myself, at least the barren creative self under pressure or, should I take an easier road and be graced with Diane Lane as my walking mate?

To the yellow brick road I say!

The sky, house, road and everything else had a tinge of that healthy yellow-orange hue, characteristic of the romantic European countryside of Tuscany. Italy wouldn't be Italy if not for their men, so they say. Ahoy! I agree absolutely. Recovering from a divorce, she finally meets - gasp - a prince - or is it? Why does pleasure come so easy in movies? All she had to do was invite him to sleep with her!

Blasphemous! (to every granny out there). How nice if things could be so direct! (to me).
Oh, I'm doing it again! The horny self is surfacing - actually, I'm beginning to belief that it's ever-present.
True, bloody true love waits.

Wait Priya, WAIT!

By the by, I haven't any clue on how I'm going to do what is expected of me. I don't like my initial spurt. Dead! Dead! Dead!


Current music: David Bowie and Queens's Under pressure.

Horror on the Fifth Floor

I rang the doorbell. I clutched my pencil case with my left hand and tried in vain to 'style' my mane while waiting for the door to open. It was 9.30 p.m - I had been out the entire day and felt clammy. I would have yelled 'Open sesame' moments ago. What's taking so long? Can I come in, teach and go HOME?!

I have been teaching for 3 weeks now and I'm already eager to add this week's wages - a hefty sum of $80. I basically earn $320 a month. I recall writhing in excitement while I did mental calculations before I met him, my student.

Dearest Joseph is 13. Maybe my expectations were too high or something - in line with the 'innocent until proven guilty' mentality, by the time my first lesson with him ended, I knew this was not going to be a walk in the park. I would coach him in 2 subjects, and I happily recommended 2 hours a week per subject. My motives were simple, I needed cash, and tutoring ensured easy and quick money. I know a friend who earned at least $2000 a month during her prime days of tutoring, AND she's just 18 mind you.

I slowly became aware of a bickering. The neighbours, must be. Joseph has a very quiet family - he was the sole child and his quaint housewife mother would do chores in the morning and play computer games at night (yes, you heard me right).

What's taking so long? Plus I don't hear the jingling of keys. Should I? Ring the bell again? By then, I couldn't block it out anymore. It wasn't background noises, it sounded too close by. There was a female's voice. It was shrill, and it was screaming Mandarin with such viciousness. Then came the sound of slashings. It was unmistakable - belt or hanger. I could hear the sound when as it struck flesh.

I thought I heard a second voice, at least a notch more guttural. Joseph?

Caught in the middle of a disciplinary action. No denying that. What horrible timing. God!
Ironically, class was suppose to start at 9.00 p.m, but I had to postpone it because I was engaged. If only I came earlier, I could have saved him from it all.

Okay. What next. Dash for it. Just leave? Ring the doorbell again?
No wait.
Wait? How much longer? It's obviously a bad time. He's going to be red-eyed in class. How to teach?
Listen - Keys - jingling.
Mrs. Tan.

" Er, Priya. Sorry. Er...."
"It's okay"
"See.....hrm.., can you come tomorrow"
"....Okay"
"..Joseph.....he's a naughty boy....."
"I'll come tomorrow Mrs. Tan. 10 to 11, in the morning"
"Okay. See you then"

Spooky.
I was baffled at best. My mom was too. Joseph lives just 2 floors above mine. It couldn't have been more than 10 minutes since I left home.

"WHY?", mom asked suspiciusly, almost with some amount of amusement.
"The mother....she was disciplining him. Told me to come tomorrow"
"HuH? Like that also can ah?.....heh heh"
"It's so....weird..."
"Not weird....oh....just get used to it..."

Oh yeah, thanks mom.

Current music: Daniel Powter's Bad day