Queer stuff for the Wondering Mind

The Past Week in a Newsflash


Farting during Sex?


Yes. People actually do. According to a more sexually liberated classmate oh mine that it. And guess what, women are more prone to it than men. If you're not queasy already, let me tell you, none of us bought it when it came up during Chemistry class. Of course, there was no way to check, considering we were all mediocre or worse, inexperienced. The only way to check was, to ask our lecturer. Instead of evading, he said,

"Oh well, it never happened to me!" and coupled it with shy smiles and a quick glance outside.

However, we concluded that if the sex was good, the copulating couple wouldn't notice the sonorous booming of air. All is well then.


Peer-Pressure rises up a Notch!


In an excited moment, a friend tugged her friend's shirt a tad to hard, revealing her shoulders, and of course, the line of strap…

Victim: Hey! What are you doing lah!
Perpetrator: Oh, hey, sorry. Got to excited….heh..
Victim: Wei, nevermine about it. I'm wearing cute straps today. (tugging her shirt discretely to reveal the pink, thin, cute straps).
Perpetrator: Oh! Hey! Cool. Me toooo…(checking underneath her shirt)
…oh shitty, I'm wearing grandma's straps today!
Victim: Pity, pity! Hahhahaha!!



Bithch-ed or Unbitch-ed?



For the first time, a profanity is seen in a different light altogether. The new look, refreshes its dimensions, and changes the mindset of a multitude of citizens.

(B)abe (I)n (T)otal (C)ontrol of (H)erself.

So, hey, it's cool to be a bitch. Just, start worrying when people call you " Un-bitch"



2 Breast Please…



2 friends walked to the humble Nasi Lemak stall, early in the morn. After placing their orders, while standing around, trying to look interested, a woman comes along.

Woman: Saya nak sotong, telur, tambah sambal, and 2 breast.
(Translation: I want the squid, eggs and extra chilli, and 2 breast.)

The female of the 2 friends, burst out laughing. Since it was a public area, she moves away to have a good roar out of it.

Her Logic: Don't tell me she wants One Breast. How bloody ridiculous.

She then moves closer towards the Male of the 2 friends, of course, expecting him to join her. Mr. Mature decides to move his thumb and his pointer, right angles to each other, forming the shape 'L' , which of course means "Loser". Female then decides that he deserves a whack and continues laughing…..



That's in a woozy week!

Of Mammary Glands

I heard a horror story once. A girl had bound her chest with muskin tape and wore two layers of underclothes in hope of halting the growth of her budding breast to preserve her child-like proportions. Fast forward 3 years, and this same girl, told a bunch of friends "I wish I had bigger boobies to fill in that cute little thing of a dress".

See, a girl's opinion of her breast changes with time and age. If once she hunched her shoulders, bend to stoop a little to hide that shameful and painful growing things, she would one day desire to tease and play around her female figure to exercise her role as a sex object, once in while. NO, don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about being downright blasphemous and slutty. Today's modern young women's desire to be sexy is fueled by the need to establish a mature and strong self-confidence about her figure rather than the need to be sex kittens.

You can partly blame the entertainment industry for that. Watch a movie and see countless incidence of nipples, cleavages and the swellings of heavenly bosoms. It's rather shocking to note that the introduction of the sultry heroine rouses not only the males but also the young, impressionable females. If you were to listen to Oprah, you'll note the need to expose your cleavage during its 'ALL TIME HIGH'. When is it exactly? The hormonal changes that trigger food-cravings, unproportionate fat distribution, severe morning sickness coupled with oscillating mood swings also contribute to the blossoming of a woman's greatest asset. Expect it on your second tri-semester and by God, enjoy it, and if possible, heh, Expose it!

To all those binge eaters: Woe not! When you're big, EVERYTHING is Big.

To all those health freaks: When you lose weight, you're bound to lose it too. So, WOE! Since breasts are made up of fatty-fibrous tissues, my guess is the constant bobbing of it during your jogs, runs, cycles and power-walks is bound to use up the reserves from the only place you don't want to shrink.

So guys, the next time you see a cleavage, DON'T STARE. It's not there for you. It's for the Her. Female Homo sapiens are blessed with the Largest Mammary glands as compared to the other Mammals. It's so huge that its size is larger than its function requires it to be. Hurrah! Researches say that it's partly due to Selective Evolution. Our male counterparts seem to be continually affected or rather, mystified by the 'extensions' of the female body. It projects the image or idea that females with larger than necessary breasts are healthier and, well, I don't know, haven't explored the misjunctioned neuron connections of the male species.

When a girl steps on the precarious zone of being a young lady, she would persistently question the need to have breast. Of course there's the suckling of a babe, but why can't the breast just grow due to hormonal changes during pregnancy and subsequently shrink after the babe is strong enough to handle formula milk? It just seems utterly useless, the effort of growing and wearing those dumb, uncomfortable bras. Her heightened sexual awareness, sometimes only making a late appearance (often a good thing, heh), would enable her to understand that boobs are "kinda cute anyways". There are also countless instances when you hear stories of 'accidentally dropping something and then bending low to pick it up' - very useful when picking up a guy or putting yourself up a notch during interviews. You have 'Legally Blonde' to attest to that. Remember the 'Bend and Snap'?

Standing on a seesaw and judging the importance of mammary glands - I find that I like it more now than I ever had, just wished it was - hrm - bigger. Heh!

The Last 12 Hours

1842


Removed the smudged eyeliner of my face while playing with Floppes. He's the Russ teddy bear that was suppose to be the rotten fish. He was stuffed in a box and when I opened it, his little head popped out accompanied with my happy shrieks. Once I got him out of the box, I gave him a whack on the butt, just like how newborns are whacked if they refuse to cry right after birth. Floppes has a very beady butt. My sinus diseased nose is begging for a swab. I still have the creamy after taste of blueberry cheesecake in my mouth. Glorious! Got to take the run around the block before it gets too dark for safety.


1927


The sky is bluish-purple - just like how it was in the morning. It was pointless skipping the morning run for an evening one. It's not misty at all - just dank. Makeshift tents line the roads, becoming extensions of houses about to give a New Year treat to friends and relatives. I can even smell what's cooking indoors. It's a real de-motivating factor when you're run steep hills and long flat roads. Also, saw a Matthew McConaughey look-a-like, only more pretentious. Always thought that his Texan drawl was overdone although it was perfectly natural.


2039


Off to the temple now. The temple - Always had too much to ask but nothing to offer in return. Just when I needed faith, I LOST it. Went cuckoo and couldn't control the fluctuating mood swings until after the BMAT ended it all. How I gained it back? By watching The Joy Luck Club. Don't ask me why I got my enlightenment from the idiot box. Just decided that I should see things as Half-Full instead of Half-Empty. My mom presented me with a large, yellow-dried coloured apple. Only after taking a bite did I realize that it was actually a pear. This pear, according to my mom, would grant me anything I wished for. Anything. She had the fruit blessed and the sage told her I should eat it without sharing it with anyone. Sometimes I wonder if my severely religious mother really believes everything she thinks is divine. If eating something can bring me anything I wanted, I wouldn't be working myself sick. Am old enough to know that anything I want usually demands excessive and tireless toiling. Heck! Will just eat it anyway.


2335


"So, who wished you today?" By that, my mom meant relatives. It was then that I realized my grandma wasn't in the list. She, of All people. This is not right at all. Sudden urge to listen to 'Let it Be' by the Beatles…oh BLOODY HELL! Can't wait for 0000.


1st of January 2005

0132


Nursing my second sinus attack and my indigestion. Feeling exceptionally bitter. What a Great start for the New Year. Saw the fireworks with a pair of binoculars. Found it very pretentious. Not excited at all. Tired of James Bond although its one movie teeming with double meaning lines…….am VERY CRANKY.


0235


Dozing off.

The Next 8 Hours

31st of December 2004

0958


Was online, 20 minutes ago. Noted the flourish of information on the Tsunami Disaster that happened in our 'back yard' (or more appropriately - front yard). So many views in so many blogs. Noticed that for Americans, every catastrophic disaster is measured using the 9/11 scale. The death toll is currently a staggering 120 000 (rounded of). " That's 57 times the 9/ll". The local media surged forward by naming this disaster 26/12 - shouldn't it be 12/26 if they really wanted to duplicate the hype? Personally, approached this Mother Nature's fury with detachment - since it’s only human to disregard things that don't involve you. Had a wake up call 2 days ago when I saw a harrowing picture of a father cradling his deceased son. Woe, woe, woe…


1102


Trying desperately to look presentable. Walking around the room trying to organize the 'look' with the windows wide open. The windows are tinted, so during the day, the outside can't view the inside. This doesn't work at night. The outside gets a real good view. Being as sloppy as I am, I sometimes wonder if the window that shows me the world is playing double or not. Could that explain why there are so many guards walking around Block B instead of A (am staying in Block B)? Oh shit, miscalculated the time again and am currently rushing to get ready before I must leave home.


LUNCH


45 minutes passed, and we waited for the table to hold a party of 7. Everybody is so busy these days. There used to be a time when the 31st was nothing but a holiday. Since it was Friday, the table was divided into Vegans and Non-vegans. The Vegans were advanced, they decided what to have and when the food came wolfed it down with such ferocity.

2 of them 'suddenly' disappeared without excusing themselves - so much for planning a lunch in an Italian restaurant and pretending that for the past year since we waved secondary school good bye, we managed to be more 'cultured'. I mean common, one of us ordered risotto but ended up snowing it with chili flakes. My guess is, she just missed her Nasi Lemak. They then reappeared - with a CAKE. Seriously - was Surprised. So, opened the box to find 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY TUBE LIGHT'. Having a birth day was no excuse for them Not to Insult me. I had the highest order of Blur-ness now. I didn’t even know what tube light meant - proving their point!

When the singing started - they Shouted. I made it a point not to glance around the packed eatery, but enjoyed this moment while I could. What more can I ask ? - A day with friends that saw me through thick and thin. Blessed really. The part of the song that needed to be personalized with the person's name was muffled - they couldn't decide whether to say "Tube light" or "Priya".

After blowing the candles - they couldn't wait until I made a wish, I was forced into making a speech! No good in impromptu stuff. They chorused "Go to Hell" when I said, " Have a good life" in desperation. The video was basically us arguing among ourselves, like we always do. When it came to eating the cake, asking forks became a Major Flirting Opportunity. Since it was a European that waited our table, we gave each other equal encouragement to ask for it. Call it 'The White Syndrome'.

The prezzies. Shocking really. Everyone gave me something that was coupled with some kind of candy. They were chocolates and even lolly-pops. I must have been very vocal about my fascination with food. On the way to a friend's house, while huddling in the cab, they told me that one of the presents was a fish. Since we left it in her mothers car, it must have died and rotted! I honestly thought that it was so bloody cool. It was the quirkiest gift ever…..



1730


In my friends house now. We are counting back the 6 years of companionship we have had. All the gifts that I gave her over the years were displayed around her room - every year accounted for. When it came to my turn - we couldn't recall what she had given me for 2 years out of the 6. Her room is different now. Adorned with a X-Men 2 poster that I had flirted with the cinema attendant to get for her - since she was in love with Wolverine. Hugh Jackman was the decorative theme of her room now - his face was all over the place. Had a good laugh when her brother showed us his new 'mushroom' hairstyle. Have to get home soon…