Wasted

Only a few minutes have passed since it dawned on me that it's been exactly 3 months. It's morbid that I'm 'celebrating' such an event. Morbid - because I'm still where I left while everything around me has evolved, changed, left, moved on…

Putting things behind, letting go - are concepts entirely foreign to me. Things that I lost are embossed on the yellowing pages of my life stories, while things I have with me still are invisible until they cease to exist. It's purely human, except I'm making the same mistakes time and again. Just each time, the scenarios are different, different casts, different scenes laced with harsher circumstances. I must have deafened all ears around me, so much so I'm attached to blogging for the satisfaction of whining away my sorrows.

Sad.

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After this morning's near death (I'm not kidding) experience - as early as 6.30 in the blinking hours of dawn, I'm wasted. Starting with the splitting headache on Friday to the 12 hour long spring clean on Saturday to the nasal leakage that left virtually all waste-bins in the house teeming with Klennex on Sunday, there was just no end the torture I was putting myself through. As of today, I'm including Panadol in my diet when all I can think of is sleeping pills.

Of the near death experience - I'm only disclosing this much - I'm assuming all financial responsibility, of course, with a very heavy heart. I absolutely hate it when ironies creep back on me, choking me, then leaving me emaciated.

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The only highlight of today - I happened to win the goodwill of a friend that allowed me access to continuous air play of Aerosmith's Crazy while waiting for a class to start. If I might add, the class never started - some mishap in the scheduling. And I'm also indulging in a little distraction - storybooks. Reading two at the same time. The only consolation is I'm temporarily diverted from thinking about him.

To sum it all up - Monday sucked, like the entire weekend.

Need I say what song keeps playing in my head over and over again?

p.s - My blog is becoming a published journal…sheessh!