Sincerely Altruistic

" I feel sad.."
"Why?"
" It's P. She's not happy. At all…"

I smiled and slowly added up the equations. There's no mistaking now why P. asked me something that would normally come from me.

"Why is life difficult?"
"I ask that question everyday P…but, if you ever find out why…please, please tell me…"

Yes, should have come out with something better to comfort an 'out-of-sorts' friend, so, nearly 2 hours later, I left the freezing library to, well, chat…

"I just can't put my finger on it. I just don't know. I don't know why I'm heavy hearted. I'm not comfortable…and it's really not about the exams…"
"Try asking yourself random questions and give honest answers to them, maybe you'll see what's wrong.."
"The thing is, maybe it's not my problem after all…I get really wrapped up with other people's problems. It's just not me at all…to carry my problems around.."

Let me tell put this plainly. P.'s a natural do-gooder. She wakes up everyday having in mind a mission - and that is simply to help.

"I want to make a difference. My greatest fear is to die, not doing anything…not helping, not making a difference in someone's life. I just don't see the point, everyday…I feel useless if I don't help…"

Honestly, I don't get it. Maybe it's because I was so immersed in a world desiccated with kiasu-ism. Why would someone do something with absolute selflessness? Is that state even achievable?

Just wasn't brought up that way. It's a shame really. It was a mantra or the likes - I must have a direction. I must achieve something, I must get this, I must get that - for myself. It's apparent now…it's utterly foolish.

People like P live for others, but people like me, shamefully I have to admit, live on others. Truly embarrassing, really. It's parasitic at best.

As college draws closer to an end, we talk about all that has happened, all that had blossomed and all that had wilted. The most beautiful part is how close we have become, and how much we really care for each other - selflessly, given a short span of time.

If you see us sitting on the stairs next to a classroom, waiting for a paper to start, there's no doubt now what we are actually discussing. The essence of life is what we make of it, and it's all completely up to us how we make it.


P.s - my predictions that the trials would be nothing short of hellish is true.

Mellowing to Gary Barlow's Forever love.