Confusion and Despair

Snuggled in the car, anxiously waiting for the caterpillar traffic to start showing signs of life, combating the chill of the air-condition system which of chaffing my lips with every passing moment, I stared outside my window and contemplated the view. People, basically made the picture ever more lively, somewhat engrossed in their menial task, not to them, but to the silent observer. Standing, watching, waiting, scratching, talking, laughing, dreaming, walking.

The bus stop was a buzz with activity. Above all, the ones dressed in a knee length white coat, with pens stacked neatly in the breast pocket; blue, red and black, nothing surprising here, sleeves ; some short while the others long, a slit just above the pocket, with glum expressions on their faces. I wondered what was going on their minds; the last patient they say or just simply the road ahead. Bespectacled and clutching and umbrella tightly as a shield from the drizzling rain, they were simply monotonous.

Inside, I quietly digested the sight, 5 years down the road, I might just be like them, at least I hope to be white coated minus the glumness. Many would be able to relate with me, especially right now, at this particular crossroad, in wake of the approaching interviews and god-forsaken admission tests prior to getting a seat in university.

I’m certainly not yet immune to all the hassle this process put me in. Infected with the disease, I’m a walking volcano, from the formative ones to the near-eruption ones, culminating in a pizza-panda-blur look in the face.

I know I should be certain about my choice: by now. But I simply cannot put into words the core reason for me embarking on journey of bumpy roads and dilapidated bridges. I find myself tongue-twisted and muddled in a dead-end when I give honest-to-goodness answers to self asked questions. All this hysteria because of the ‘childishness’ in most of what I say in reply. The only progress I’m making is the flexibility of my neck after practicing shaking my head from side-to-side after listening to myself with utter despair and disbelieve.

The condition then worsens: thanks to the ever prepared bunch of people I call friends. Shoving pride and self-esteem to a corner: I’m no match to some of them. I can picture myself being whipped into a gutter already…

The BIG question is: Is it WORTH IT?
While I’m still pondering, and God-I-KNOW it’s a bit to late for that, Earth is revolving around her axis, moving inch by inch closer to the spot in the orbit she left a year ago. Relatively, I’m stuck at the same point on Earth…while my peers already sky-rocketed off, with me waving an obliging hand good-bye.